JHADU - JanHit Aur Dustbins Unite !!! (clean jaipur campaign)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

THE F WORD


After the ban on the burqa (face veil) got the green signal from the French government, few countries have decided to protest by imposing prohibitions on French beard , VIP frenchie and French fries.

Barbers’ associations (yes, the barbaric term for a salon has been used intentionally) of these countries have been served legal notices prohibiting them from shearing a French beards for their customers. The fingers of the offenders shall be cut off, thereby imposing an unavoidable ban on the charged individuals.

Meanwhile, the Textile associations have been instructed to stop the production of Frenchie underwear and the public has been asked to switch over to kachhas. Governments have also set up booths on airports, railways stations and highways to ensure that people are obeying these regulations. Those found wearing the offending garment shall be compelled to surrender their frenchies to the authorities in full public view. While spokespersons of various textile industry tycoons have complained about loss being suffered by their enterprises, sources have caused us to believe that the government has hired a team of designers to alter the “look” of the garments already produced in a manner that would make them appear as “non-frenchie” as possible.

The teeming fast food sector has not remained unaffected by this new set of regulations. All the food joints have been ordered to stop serving French fries to their customers. Production and consumption of French fries shall be pronounced anti-national and the guilty shall be kept hungry for a period of41 days.

In retaliation the French government has hired actor Shahid Kapoor, to promote “F” based on his phonemic disorder that causes him to replace “s” with “f” while talking. Kaminey was awarded the Best Foreign Film at the French Film Festival and Shahid was felicitated with their highest Civilian honour - THE FREAKING FRENCH AWARD - for his fuperb performance in the film.

The Frenchies...oops! I mean French people all over the world have condemned this act against the French products. And have threatened to rename certain items:

BIRYANI – FRENCHIYANI

KEEMA KABAAB – FRENCHIE KABAAB

CONDOMS – FONDOMS

SHERVANI – FERVANI

The offended countries have also appealed to the masses to refrain from the usage of the letter “F”, replacing it with “S” (even in English text books). This is of serious concern for everyone, as the meaning of common sentences shall be altered. (Imagine saying, “Please Slush after using the toilet”!)

Even as Language and Phonetics experts toil to find a way out of this muddle, the UN is planning to step in and encourage both sides to arrive at a consensual solution through peaceful negotiation.

No matter which way this face-off heads, the “veiled war” shall definitely leave its mark on history.